The local paper tells it all. Last week, we had several strange crimes. On this particular day, the headline read: MAN JAILED FOR HOT FOOD ATTACK.
I ask you. What does that mean? Did he attack hot food? Was he a greedy food sucker-upper? Nope. Seems he actually threw the hot food at someone. That someone called the cops and he got arrested for simple battery.
The same day, a man reported his ex-wife struck him several times. Don't know why he didn't make a run for it, but he didn't. She also got arrested for simple battery.
And also on that day, a shoplifter was caught exiting Walmart with a pair of boots in his pants. Hmmm. Like someone wouldn't notice a pair of boots stuffed down his breeches?
I'll end with a crime committed a few days earlier. A man was arrested for shoplifting. This guy hid an MP3 player in his pants. Unfortunately, his pants were so baggy, they tripped him up as he tried to make his escape. He got arrested, too.
Oh, I love these local crime reports!